Loch Ness Monster

AGE: Ancient. She could be hundreds of years old or millions, depending on who you talk to and how dizzy they are.

LENGTH: 33 - 50 feet.

FASHION RATING: B- She has curves with a capital C. Well, actually they're humps, but from a distance they look like curves.

QUOTABLE QUOTES: "I'm just another lake monster. But one day I go out for a bite of sheep and the next thing I know, the lake is jammed with boats and submarines. I can't sleep because of all the sonar. I'm half blind from the flashes. And would you people stop throwing your old tires in the lake?"